6 Steps to Find Lasting Love in the Dating Scene

They’re trying to figure out the same things Christian kids are, but they have little hope of doing so victoriously as they don’t have a Godly foundation or anyone to help them find the answers in scripture. But our kids do! If we do!!!

So, we help them by first realizing that they, too, are dating, hooking up, searching for love, and struggling to figure out how to couple correctly - given the world we live in and the tools they have. Secondly, we help them by openly discussing the mindset we should all have when engaging with these tools.

One of those tools is dating apps! For better or worse, Christians are using them, too! Often with as polluted a mind as everyone else because, according to a Pew Research survey, “half of Christians interviewed say casual sex, defined in the survey as sex between consenting adults who are not in a committed romantic relationship, is sometimes or always acceptable.”

Why Do People Use Dating Apps?

For many, it’s about ease, convenience, and time. For everyone, it's about the pursuit of connection and companionship in a fast-paced world. Dating apps offer a platform to meet new people, explore romantic possibilities, and find someone who shares common interests and values. However, beneath this desire for connection often lurks deeper motivations.

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Is it love fulfilled or lust unfulfilled that drives our swiping habits? Many turn to dating apps seeking meaning, excitement, or validation of self-worth. The instant gratification of matching with someone can provide a temporary high, but it will not satisfy the deeper longings of the heart.

Moreover, fears and insecurities can impact our experiences on and off dating apps. The fear of rejection, the pressure to portray a perfect image, and the temptation to compare oneself to others can all contribute to anxiety and uncertainty in the dating world.

Baggage from past relationships or personal struggles can also color our interactions. Whether it's unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or unhealthy patterns, these factors can affect how we approach potential relationships and hinder our ability to experience genuine connection on a dating app, in a relationship, or in a marriage.

Amid this complexity, what is truly missing is purity in the way we think, love and live. Sadly, where destruction from the pharisee rules of the ‘purity doctrine’ left off, the victory of realizing how loved you are by Christ needed to take over.

You have to understand that no matter how many affirmations you make, no matter how many people match your profile, no matter how much attention you garner on social media or on a dating app, you cannot love yourself unless you know how loved you are by your Creator. It is only from this place that we understand that we are all simply sinners in need of a Savior!

Jesus Christ, through His transformative love and grace, offers the ultimate pathway to reclaiming purity in our lives. Only through a relationship with Him can we find true fulfillment and restoration that transcends the fleeting pleasures of lust so we can embrace the depth of genuine love.

The Bible teaches us that love is patient, kind, and selfless (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). It calls us to honor God with our bodies and uphold the sanctity of marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Hebrews 13:4). This biblical perspective challenges us to elevate our standards and align our desires with God's design for relationships. Not because God will strike us dead if we don’t - but because He wants what’s best for us, and there is no failure in His will.

As believers, we are called to pursue relationships with integrity and purpose. This means approaching dating apps with discernment and intentionality, seeking to honor God in our interactions and choices. It means prioritizing emotional and spiritual compatibility over superficial attractions. It means swiping left when the only thing connecting you with someone is your fleshly attractions.

Ultimately, the Bible, which you may have never read, offers a blueprint for healthy relationships and a vision for love that transcends cultural norms and societal pressures. It invites us to embrace purity as a lifestyle—a commitment to honoring God in our thoughts, words, and actions. Why? Because His love for you is so powerful that you come to love yourself

So, to swipe or not to swipe is more than a question of convenience—it's a reflection of our deepest desires and values.

In conclusion, the question of whether Christians should use dating apps requires thoughtful consideration and discernment. While dating apps can offer opportunities to meet new people and explore potential relationships, it's important to approach them with a mindset rooted in biblical values and a commitment to honor God in all aspects of life. If your mind and soul are in the right place - your body will follow.

How?

Well, I constructed some guidelines for Christians to navigate dating apps with integrity! I don’t assume that many of you who are single are out and about, or even in church, meeting new and interesting people daily. I deal in reality. I have to. I have many beautiful Christian sisters and brothers who have resorted to dating Apps because they are too busy, too focused, and too clear about what they want and don’t want to edit over endless coffees and lunches on their own.

Sometimes, you need help. That help can lead you to victory and tremendous time savings.

When you log on to the app, as clear about what it means to be a Christian waiting for marriage as you are about winning in your desire for Godly love, you become a powerful candidate for the love you desire.

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Without compromise - if you do the dating thing correctly – online or offline – you will find yourself empowered by integrity and blessed by victory! And in one huge swipe, you will reclaim years of the true sexual freedom stolen from you by a web of cultural lies.

1. Seek God First.

Before using dating apps, prioritize your relationship with God. Seek His guidance and wisdom in your pursuit of relationships, trusting Him to lead you to a partner who aligns with His will for your life.

2. Define Your Purpose.

Be clear about your intentions for using dating apps. Are you seeking a meaningful relationship that honors God and leads to marriage, or are you looking for casual encounters or validation? Define your purpose, keep it real, and make sure your values are in order.

3. Guard Your Heart.

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it. Be mindful of the emotional and spiritual impact of dating app interactions. Avoid engaging in behaviors that compromise your values or lead to temptation. Even a ‘sex-free’ emotional encounter can create a powerful soul tie that will need to be broken.

4. Discernment in Matching.

When swiping or messaging, prioritize qualities that align with biblical standards of character, faith, and compatibility. Do not compromise what you knew was right before you swiped! Look beyond physical attraction and prioritize spiritual connection. Do you really value-match, or is he/she just so cute that you are dropping all of what you know you need for his/her attention?

5. Accountability

Involve trusted friends or mentors in your dating journey. Seek accountability and wise counsel to help you navigate challenges and stay grounded in your faith.

6. Recognize Signs of Lust. 

Be alert to signs of lust in yourself or the other person versus genuine interest in pursuing godly love and marriage. Lust focuses solely on physical attraction and self-gratification, while godly love seeks to honor and serve the other person.

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Ultimately, as Christians using dating apps, our goal should be to honor God in our interactions, pursue relationships with purity and intentionality, and seek His guidance at every step of the journey. By aligning our dating practices with biblical principles, we can cultivate healthy relationships that reflect the love and grace of Christ.

Guided by the Holy Spirit and anchored in the truth of God's Word, a dating app can be the same as meeting someone in church. It’s all in how honest and upfront you are in laying the foundation.

Are you looking for a Godly union and focused on living right outside of church – or only inside? He sees you. He wants a relationship for you that glorifies God and embodies the beauty of His design for love and marriage. If that’s what’s being offered, then by all means – swipe right!

Get your copy now of the most revolutionary, understandable book on God’s call to purity ever written.  Discover the beauty of purity, mind, body, and soul - and the reality that we are all sinners in need of God’s grace.  The Naked Truth: Reclaiming Sexual Freedom in a Culture of Lies by Cynthia Garrett unravels the lies and inspires you to walk in truth and freedom.

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